


Taken

by WindInYourSail



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-02-29 09:21:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18775393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WindInYourSail/pseuds/WindInYourSail
Summary: This ones a bit darker than I normally write... actually, a lot darker than I normally write. I’ve put archive warnings on it for a reason. It’s not terribly lengthy (I really couldn’t dwell here too long) and is complete aside from my continual rewriting of it, so I will try to post a chapter daily. (This weekend will depend on how easily I can get to the computer.) I’ve been obsessively reading something non Barba related and my obsession with Barba decided to take a similarly grim path.





	1. Chapter 1

Erika sat at her desk and watched as the man she had been crushing on since she had been assigned to SVU had a heated conversation with her boss. 

“That doesn’t look good.” Rollins said, startling Erika as she watched Barba roll his eyes and begin a counter argument.

“What?”

“Barba and Liv. Whatever it is they’re arguing about probably doesn’t mean good things for our case.” Rollins clarified a small grin forming. “What were you thinking about?”

“Oh, uhh... I wasn’t thinking about anything really... just zoned out. I think I needed a mental break from this case for a bit.” Erika stammered, her cheeks slightly pink.

Rollins gave Erika a curious look but before she could pry Barba and Liv emerged from her office.

“I’m sorry Liv... our victims couldn’t make a voice ID and due to the mask they can’t visually ID them either... I wish I could but there’s not enough evidence for a warrant to search Parker Vanderbilt’s penthouse. Get me something substantial and I’ll get you your warrant.” Barba said, walking toward the exit.

“Later Barba.” Rollins said as he walked past Erika’s desk.

“Rollins. Erika.” He nodded in acknowledgment.

“Bye.” Erika said softly causing Rollins to use her hand to hide a chuckle.

Barba barely noticed as he turned to speak to Liv again. “Oh and you need to let Parker go. You’ve got nothing to hold him on and his parents are calling the DA every ten minutes.”

“So when he takes another girl should I just tell her parents to call Jack McCoy every ten minutes asking why we let her abductor walk free?” Liv fumed.

“If you have evidence it was Parker.” Barba lifted an eyebrow, turning to leave when she didn’t reply.

Liv looked around the bullpen, noticing everyone watching her. “Erika and Rollins see what you can find online about Parker and his friends. Fin and Amaro go talk to the victims again... Carisi... start processing Parker’s release.”

Erika took her laptop and joined Rollins at her desk. “I don’t understand why three young men who have everything would want to risk their future by abducting and raping someone.”

“They think they can do whatever they want because they have been given everything.” Rollins scoffed.

“Yes but arrogance causes people to take chances and make mistakes. We should be able to find something.” Erika sighed.

“Here. We’ve looked into Parker pretty extensively, why don’t you look into his friend Adam Matthews and I’ll take Hunter Riley. See if you can find a pattern or what ever it is you do when you break peoples lives down to numbers.” Rollins smiled, handing Erika Adams file.

 

They had been searching for anything to tie Parker, Adam, or Hunter to any of the victims for close to an hour when Rollins yawned and stretched. She looked at Erika and smirked. “Did you two sleep together or something?”

“What?” Erika said, looking up from her laptop confused.

“You and Barba.” Rollins smirked.

“What! No...” Erika said rolling her eyes.

“Ok, but something happened. You’re acting like a school girl with a crush whenever he’s around and you’ve never been like that before.” Rollins pried.

And she hadn’t. She had thought he was smart and attractive, had had a small crush on him, but managed to not let it effect her behavior at work. Then a month ago, Liv had sent her to his office to drop off some paperwork and they had talked hours longer than they’d needed to. She had almost thought he’d ask her out... he had seemed to hint at it, but then neither of them said anything and Erika awkwardly said her goodbyes. Now every time she opened her mouth to speak to him she came off either sounding timid or like a rambling idiot.

“Nothing happened... or will happen.” Erika said muttering the last bit mostly under her breath but not soft enough for Rollins not to hear.

“You gotta thing for Barba?” Rollins said a little louder than she intended.

“Shhhh...” Erika said tossing her pen at Rollins.

“Oh my god, you do.” Rollins giggled, dodging the pen.

“I don’t know... maybe...” Erika sighed. Of course she had a thing for Barba... an all encompassing, distracted her from her work, bordering on pathetic thing for Barba.

“Erika and Barba sitting in a...” Rollins started to tease.

“Seriously, stop. He has no interest in me and nothing can happen anyway.” Erika interrupted.

“What does a hot piece of ass like you see in that lawyer?” Neither Rollins nor Erika had noticed Carisi sit Parker Vanderbilt at his desk before leaving to get the paperwork to finalize his release.

“That wouldn’t be any of your business.” Erika snapped.

“I’m just saying you could do better. I’d take you out, show you a nice time.” Parker smiled.

“Yeah, I’m good.” Erika huffed.

“Alright Parker, I just need you to sign here and you’re free to go.” Carisi said returning to his desk. 

“That’s it?” He asked with a smug look on his face as he leaned back in the chair after signing.

“Yep.” Carisi replied.

Parker gather his things that were on Carisi’s desk and leaned in close to Erika as he walked by. “I’m just saying you’re my type.” Then he eyed her up and down as he walked out of the precinct.

“What did he say to you?” Rollins asked.

“He said I was his type.” Erika said, her body involuntarily shuddering as she spoke the words. “What do you think he meant by that? I don’t resemble the victims.”

“No, but you do resemble his ex girlfriends.” Carisi said handing Rollins Parkers release paperwork to put in his file.

“That’s creepy.” Erika said.

“Yeah, but he’s just messing with you.” Rollins added, not making her feel that much better.

 

It had been weeks and no new girl had gone missing or reported an assault matching the MO of Parker and his friends so their case was pretty much at a stand still. Erika was working through statistical data they had on the latest case when Liv handed her a file.

“Do you have anything worthwhile?”

“I’ve narrowed down a comfort zone, but...” Erika exhaled as she looked over the numbers she had compiled.

“But what?”

“Most of the assaults fit nicely into the area I’ve triangulated... all of them in fact, except these two.” Erika handed Liv the files on two reports they had of woman being woken up and raped in their bedrooms after being blindfolded and handcuffed to their bed.

“You’re thinking they’re not the same perp?” Liv asked, lifting her brow.

“I’m saying they don’t fit my numbers.”

“Maybe they’re outliers?”

“I doubt it, but it’s possible. Based on this, my suggestion is to look at these two a bit closer in comparison to the other reports. They are either a copy cat or these women in particular were important to him.”

“In that case they could help us identify him...” Liv said, thinking out loud, “can you take this file plus your work here to Barba. He’s been asking for an update.”

“Sure.” Erika nodded while trying to ignore the fluttering in her stomach.

 

Erika smiled awkwardly and avoided eye contact when Barba smirked at her as she entered his office.

“Anything new?” He asked, moving to lean against the front of his desk as he took the file from her.

“I’ve narrowed down a comfort zone, but there are some issues with it.” Erika replied.

“Issues?” Barba lifted a brow and Erika ignored the butterflies that formed again. Seriously one stupid incident of her hopes getting up and now she could barely even talk to the man.

“It’s just two of the assaults... they don’t fit the rest of my data... and not just a little, they’re way outside of the cluster, so they’re either unrelated or extremely significant. I’ve suggested to Liv to give those two reports a closer look. Either way, they’ll be important... if there’s a copy cat... that’s two suspects they need to be looking for and I need to run new data, and if it’s not a copy cat... those victims could be personally connected to our serial.” It seemed rambling idiot was today’s communication technique. Erika mentally kicked herself for over explaining things Barba already knew.

“Which do you think it is?” Barba smiled, mostly at how talkative she had become, not that he minded. If her rambling kept her in his office longer, who was he to complain.

“I just run the numbers.”

“Do you consider the details of the case in your data?” Barba smirked and moved closer to her, pointing to the case log in the file.

Erika’s heart pounded at his proximity. “I do.” She exhaled nervously.

“And what did you notice?”

“That all the assaults have the exact same timeline, the exact same words spoken... there isn’t enough variance for me to think this is a copy cat.” Erika’s voice was quiet and Barba furrowed his brow as he realized how close he was to her was making her uncomfortable... uncomfortable wasn’t his intent. A bit off kilter maybe, he thought her new rambling bit was adorable... but he didn’t want her to be uncomfortable around him.

“So you think they’re significant?” He asked, moving away from her.

“I do... but I just run the numbers.” She shrugged.

Barba chewed on his bottom lip, looking rather amused as he watched her shift between her feet while fidgeting with her hands since they were empty now that she had handed him everything she had carried with her.

“I’ll let you get back to work.” She quickly stammered, turning for the door.

“Do you prefer Italian or Mexican?”

“I’m sorry?” Erika said sounding perplexed as she turned to face him again.

“Food wise... which do you prefer?” He was standing behind his desk looking up at her while he stacked the files she had given him.

“Depends on what I’m in the mood for, but generally speaking Mexican I guess.” She almost added ‘why’ and when he smiled and waved her out she wished she had. If she hadn’t been confused on whether he liked her before, she was definitely confused now...

 

Erika worked for a bit longer at the precinct and then gathered her things to head home.

“You’re heading out?” Rollins asked as they passed each other when she entered the bullpen.

“Yeah. I’m pretty much done, for the evening at least.” Erika said, pausing to talk with her bag hanging from her shoulder.

“I’ll give you a ride.” Rollins offered, turning to walk with her friend and coworker.

“Thanks.” Erika smiled.

“Anything new with you and Barba?” Rollins teased as they drove to Erika’s apartment building.

“No. He barely knows I exist and work would probably frown on it even if he did.” Erika said dismissively, not really wanting analyze the confusing food question with Rollins just yet. She needed to obsess over it a bit more independently first...

“Ok first of all, have you seen you? No man on the planet barely knows you exist, you should have heard Nick and Carisi when Liv first hired you... believe me, he’s noticed.” Rollins chuckled.

“Yes but no offense to Nick or Carisi but neither of them are Barba” Erika sighed while looking out the window.

“I’m just going to pretend to know what that means.” Rollins chuckled.

“What was the second point you were going to make?” Erika asked.

“You’re a civilian, a crime analyst, not a detective, and have never had to testify so I doubt work would have an issue with you and Barba. Besides, Barba’s too by the book not to disclose.”

“But is he too by the book to date someone he works with...” Erika muttered to herself as they pulled up to her building. “Thanks for the ride.” She sighed as she climbed out of Rollins car.

“Hey, don’t be so bleak, I’ve seen him look at you when you’re not paying attention. I wouldn’t keep asking if I didn’t think there was something there.” Rollins said leaning across the center console to look at Erika through the open door.

“If you say so...” Erika sighed, starting to close the door.

“Hey Erika?”

“Yeah.” She leaned back down to look at Rollins.

“If you want to take your mind off him we can hit up a bar tomorrow night.”

“That’s part of the problem... I don’t want to take my mind off him.” Erika shrugged as she closed the car door and headed to her apartment.

Once inside, she grabbed a beer from her fridge and took a sip, setting it on the counter while popping a couple slices of leftover pizza in the microwave. After a quick visit to the restroom, she grabbed the pizza and beer and then settled on the couch for her typical Friday night Netflix binge.

She pulled her phone from her back pocket and scrolled through her contacts, her eyes settling on Barba’s as she took a few sips of her beer. She could just call him... ask him flat out why he had asked her about her food preferences... but that would be a bit obvious, and if he wasn’t interested things would be more awkward for her than before. She sighed and locked her phone, setting it on her coffee table and taking a bite of pizza, washing it down with a larger sip of beer.

“Seriously, why would he ask that...” She grumbled to herself, taking another drink and setting the beer back down on her coffee table.

She mindlessly scrolled through movies as her brain toyed with the possibility of dinner with Barba, smiling as her eyelids drooped and her hand dropped the remote to the floor. Her whole body relaxed into the couch as a figure emerged from her bedroom, leaving everything as she left it when he picked her up from the couch.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Archive warnings apply to this chapter.

Erika woke up disoriented with a pounding headache. At first she thought she had fallen asleep on her couch without even changing out of her work clothes, but as she shifted she realized she was laying in bed. She groaned as she sat up, waiting for her eyes to adjust to the light coming through the window.

“I hate getting older,” she muttered to herself as she pressed her palm to her forehead, “my head should not hurt this bad after one beer.” Truthfully, she couldn’t remember drinking much of her beer, but that thought only seemed to make her feel even older.

She was beginning to think she had overworked herself when her eyes finally adjusted to the light and she didn’t recognize the room she was in. It was a fairly large loft style apartment, or at least that’s what the industrial look reminded her of, the apartment itself was all one level. There was a kitchen in one corner, a living room across from the kitchen, and bedroom area where she had woken up. She noticed two doors, one she assumed was the exit and the other she figured led to a bathroom. The floors, ceiling, and walls looked as if they were stained concrete and there was a wall of windows along the wall shared by the living room and bedroom.

She climbed out of bed so she could look out the window to try and figure out where she was. Recognizing the buildings surrounding her, she looked down to see the precinct less than a block away. She ran to the door she hoped was the exit only to find it locked with a keypad in place of a deadbolt. She tried the other door but as she assumed it only led to the bathroom. She checked the windows for a fire escape or any other way out, but she found she was in a high rise with her only exit locked. She tried to scream and bang on the window, hoping to get someone from the streets attention, but she was too high up for anyone to be able to see her. While banging she noticed the windows weren’t glass. She didn’t know what they were made of but her heart sank when she realized that the walls were purposely sound proof and the windows most likely unbreakable. Erika sank to the floor and watch the city below her.

 

After what seemed like an eternity, Erika heard a noise at the door with the padlock. Her heart raced as the door opened and a man wearing a mask walked in. The mask matched the ones described by the victims in the Parker Vanderbilt case but her location didn’t match the location they had described.

“Good you’re awake.” He said as he entered the loft apartment.

“How did I get here?” Erika asked, afraid to ask the first question that popped into her head.

“I drugged you, you’re really light by the way. Sorry about the headache, it’s a side effect and should be gone by tomorrow.” He was setting food out on the coffee table as he talked. “I brought you something to eat. You barely ate anything last night and I’ve been watching you for a while so I know you haven’t eaten since breakfast yesterday.”

Erika looked at the food. “Do I need to worry about you drugging me again?”

“No, you’re more useful to me awake now.”

She couldn’t see him smile under his mask when he responded but she could hear it in his voice and took a step backwards, putting more space between them.

“You need to eat.” He snapped noticing the step.

After he finished putting the food out he turned toward the door and punched in a code allowing the door to open then turned to look at Erika and gestured to a clock on the wall. “I’ll be back at seven.”

Once he was gone Erika went to look at the food. She didn’t know if she could trust it but she was hungry. If the clock was correct and it really was noon, she hadn’t really eaten in over twenty four hours. She ate a small amount of food, just enough to satiate the hunger pain and then spent the better part of the day staring out the window, watching the precinct to see if anyone she knew came in to work that Saturday. They weren’t scheduled to work until Monday... a rare weekend off... so no one would know she was missing until then. Her only plans had been to hang out in her pajamas and relax at home. Now she wished she had taken Rollins up on her suggestion to go out Saturday night... at least then someone would know.

 

The day ticked by slowly. She had no television, books... anything. Only her thoughts, fears really, to keep her company. As promised he returned at seven and she finally asked the question she had been too afraid to ask earlier.

“Why am I here?”

He moved closer to her, so close she could feel his breath on her neck. “What can I say, you’re my type.”

Her whole body tensed at his words. He ran his fingers over her shoulder brushing her hair to one side as he did.

“You’re beautiful.” He said, removing his mask.

Erika shut her eyes tight. She knew who it was anyway... she had assumed the moment she saw the mask and known for sure once he had spoken, but she still didn’t want to see... for him to know she knew.

“Why did you close your eyes?” He asked.

“I don’t want to see you. I want you to let me go when you’re through.” Tears were forming in her eyes.

“Oh Erika, I plan to keep you.”

He kissed her, forcing his tongue in her mouth, his hands pulling her closer to him. When she didn’t kiss back he backhanded her across the face. Erika looked at Parker with her hand covering her throbbing cheek.

“If you cooperate I’ll be gentle.”

Erika nodded, despite the tears freeing themselves and when he kissed her a second time she returned it.

“Please. Don’t.” She sobbed as his hand slid up her thigh under her dress, pulling away from him when he reached between her legs.

He pushed her down on the bed, holding her head to the mattress with one hand. She screamed when he pulled her underwear down and forced himself inside her. He hadn’t cared to help prepare her and each thrust was excruciating. Her cries were muffled by the mattress until he pulled her head back by her hair.

“I’ve been thinking about this for so long.” He grunted in her ear.

Erika tried to crawl away from him, but his hold on her hair tightened and he pushed her flat against the bed, forcing her to lay still.

“Where were you going to go anyway?” He chuckled.

She stopped struggling and tried instead to ignore what was happening. When he finished he adjusted himself and buttoned his pants back up as tears silently fell from her eyes.

“I’ll bring you some clean clothes tomorrow.” He huffed and then he was gone.

After sobbing on the bed she went to the restroom and showered. Working at SVU, she knew better... knew it destroyed evidence, but she also knew he’d be back.

The next day he returned and as promised he brought clothes... a variety of dresses, thin summer dresses, tight dresses she’d seen but never worn to clubs, cocktail dresses... the one thing they all had in common was that they weren’t nearly as long as she would have liked them to be. That was it though... just the dresses, no pajamas, nothing to wear underneath them. Parker hung them in the wardrobe and then turned his attention to her. Anytime she resisted he’d hit her or push her face into the mattress so hard she could barely breath. She had hoped he would leave right after again but instead he spent the better part of the day with her.

 

Monday morning she sat by the window and watched her coworkers go into work. She wondered how long it would be before they noticed she wasn’t there. What they would think when they figured out she was missing. How long would they look for her... would they find her? Would Barba care? Not that she figured that really mattered now... She sat by that window all day. The detectives went in and out. Barba went in and out. She tried to read their facial expressions but she was too high up.

For two weeks she watched out the window during the day while Parker used her however he pleased when he stopped by. He brought her groceries and takeout from the places she ordered from regularly. Just how much effort had he put into stalking her. When she didn’t resist he was nice to her, when she did resist he’d give her a reason not to. She had stopped fighting most of the time because it was better than the alternative, so a lot of her bruises were starting to heal.

When she wasn’t staring out the window, she frantically punched numbers into the keypad or looked for a way to signal for help. While searching through the kitchen she found a bottle of ketchup and then looked at the window. Using her hands she wrote HELP as large as she could so it could be read from the street. Then she waited by the window to see if someone would notice. What she didn’t see was Parker leaving the precinct or him looking up to her window. He went straight to the loft and cleaned up the ketchup before removing all the food. Erika coward in the corner as he worked. She knew he was angry. When he finished he turned his aggression on her.

She laid crumpled in the floor, bloody and sore, when he finally left. She didn’t think anything was broken but she hurt too much to move to know for sure. The next day he brought her a case of water and a pizza, setting them on the coffee table, but didn’t stay. She was thirsty and hungry and managed to crawl over to eat a small amount.

 

Her ribs hurt when she woke up. It took her while to remember where she was since she had fallen asleep on the floor in front of the coffee table. She ate some cold pizza before dragging herself to the lay by the window again, watching the precinct for familiar faces to pass the time.

The keypad on the door beeped and Parker reentered the loft. “I brought you a present.”

She looked at him from where she was laying by the window but didn’t say anything.

“I wanted to make up for having to punish you the other day. I think you’ll like it.” Parker continued as he moved back out of the loft before walking a man with his arms handcuffed behind his back into the room. He had a cloth bag over his head but she could tell from the suit it was Barba and her heart sank. “I’m putting the key on the coffee table but hey if you wanna leave the cuffs on go for it. He’s your present, you can do whatever you want.” Parker smiled at her and then left.

Barba was standing in the living room but hadn’t said anything as his head was still covered and he had no idea where he was or who else was in the room.

“Barba?” Erika whispered, not being able to get anything louder to come out.

“Erika?”

“Give me a minute.” Erika groaned as she pulled herself up to her hands and knees and slowly crawled to him while grabbing the key off the coffee table. She still didn’t really have the strength to stand but she managed to lift herself to reach his wrist so she could remove the handcuffs.

He pulled the bag off his head and looked down at her. “Jesus... are you ok?” He asked when he noticed how beat up she looked.

“No.” She replied her eyes watering.

He dropped down next to her and gently held her as she cried. He looked at her as she leaned against him, the dress barely reaching low enough to cover her. He could see bruises varying in age on her legs and arms, some clearly in the shape of hands. He noticed what looked like dried blood that had run down her inner thighs causing him to closed his eyes and take a breath, stopping himself from trying to figure out what had caused it.

“I’m sorry.” She croaked looking up at him. Her face was badly bruised on her cheek and her lip swollen and split.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” He shook his head.

“Yes I do. If I hadn’t tried to signal for help he wouldn’t have...” she paused but couldn’t bring herself to describe how Parker had punished her, “he wouldn’t have brought you here.”

“Why did he refer to me as your present?” Barba asked.

“I guess this is his sick and twisted way of apologizing.” Erika scoffed.

“Why me though?”

Erika closed her eyes and exhaled. “When Carisi was processing Parker’s release, Parker overheard Rollins teasing me about having a crush on you.”

“Oh...”

“I’m sorry...” She whispered, no longer concerned if he felt anything for her. He deserved to know why he was there even if it was her fault. “I should have just told Amanda she was crazy... denied it... he would have left you alone.”

“You don’t exactly hide your feelings well.” Barba started to smirk and then thought better of it when her swollen face looked up at him again.

“You knew?” She rasped her voice betraying her embarrassment as she tried to pull away from him, her body too weak to make it far so she settled with no longer touching him.

“Erika... I didn’t mean it like that. I mean, yes I knew, but I found it endearing.”

“Great...” She scoffed.

“No... see, I’m still screwing this up. I was going to ask you out. I almost did once... that day you and I spent five hours in my office, talking about absolutely nothing... I had thought about it so much that every time I started to bring it up I lost my nerve. After that you... well,” he smiled, “you started babbling incessantly around me and then I knew you felt the same. That’s why I asked what you liked to eat... so I could make a reservation.”

“Why didn’t you just ask me out?” She shifted closer again and Barba lightly wrapped his arm around her.

“Because I’m an ass who didn’t think about the possibility of losing you before I’d get a chance to. I thought I’d make a reservation for the following Friday and ask you out that week, giving you a opportunity to ramble in my office a couple more times.”

“Thanks.” She grumbled while managing a small smile.

“It really was endearing.”

 

Erika let him hold her until she could get up the nerve to ask him for help with something she really needed, but felt inappropriate asking for.

“Barba?”

“Yes.”

“I really hate to ask this, but... can you help me shower?”

“Won’t that destroy evidence?” He questioned as he helped her to her feet.

“It’s not like he won’t be back.” She sighed, bringing them both back to the reality of their situation.

Barba removed his dress shirt as she sat on the toilet waiting for the water to warm. He helped her stand and unzipped the dress, his heart breaking at the dark bruising he saw on her body as the dress fell to the floor.

“Just make sure I don’t collapse.” She said as she took a shaky step into the shower. Barba focused his eyes on the water in the floor of the shower that turned pinkish red as it ran down the drain. He wrapped her in a towel after she finished and helped her to the bed.

“Where are your clothes?” He asked.

“In there.” She replied, pointing to the wardrobe.

He tried to find a dress that would cover her, but eventually gave up and just grabbed one that was looser fitting, helping her into it.

“Where are we?” Barba asked as he walked toward the window.

“The precinct is less than a block to our left.” Erika replied, cringing as she shifted to lay on her side on the bed.

“You’ve been this close the whole time...” Barba exhaled.

“Watching you guys come and go has helped the days pass.”

“They will find us.” He smiled, as he moved back to her side. “They know it’s Parker. Hopefully he was sloppy when he took me.”


	3. Chapter 3

The month that followed was calm. Barba and Erika talked throughout the day and Parker dropped off food not bothering to stay as he let Erika heal. Barba had offered to sleep on the couch, but Erika insisted the bed was big enough for both of them... it wasn’t Barba she was afraid of. Neither of them really mentioned their feelings toward the other again given the circumstances. Instead they got to know each other better... their lives and interest outside of work.

“You don’t think it’s been too long?” Erika sighed, forcing herself to stop watching the precinct from the window and join Barba on the couch.

“Do you really think Liv is going to give up searching for her favorite ADA?” Barba smirked.

“You really do think a lot of yourself.” Erika smiled, playfully mussing his already untidy hair as she passed him on her way to the couch.

Barba’s smirk grew to a grin and Erika chuckled, both startling when the door swung open.

“Alright, I’ve given you enough time.” Parker said pointing a gun at them.

“Enough time for what?” Erika huffed.

“I brought him here for you to fuck, not sit and chat with.” Parker snapped.

“You’re not serious?” Erika whispered.

“Fine have it your way.” Parker said making his way to the nightstand where they had placed the handcuffed. “Cuff him to the bed.” Parker instructed, handing the handcuffs to her.

“But...” She started, looking at Barba then Parker.

“It’s either me or him, so if you’re not going to fuck him I need him restrained while I fuck you.” Parker barked, pointing the gun at her.

“Please don’t...” She pleaded, moving closer to Barba on the couch.

Barba placed his arm around her and gently pulled her toward his lips hoping to buy some time... not that he knew what good more time would do them.

“At least one of you can make a decision.” Parker laughed.

The kiss was gentle and she noticed her hand had unconsciously made its way to his hair. She had thought about kissing him... the thought would occasionally invade her mind inappropriately while at work, but in the last month... confined with him in the loft she had been content to just talk with him. Anything more at that point, with everything that had happened... it hadn’t even crossed her mind. Still, the butterflies she had all but forgotten made themselves known again when Barba tightened the arm around her, tugging her closer.

“I want to watch you suck him off.” Parker said as he sat on the coffee table in front of them, his words startling them both enough to interrupt the embrace.

Erika looked at Barba, uncertain of what she should do.

“Our options are terrible but it’s your choice, just know I’m ok if you choose me.” Barba whispered, desperately not wanting to watch what would happen if she didn’t.

Erika closed her eyes and pressed her lips back to Barba’s as she reached her hands to lower his pants. She felt his breathing change when she placed her hand on him, gently pulling her lips from his she moved to place him in her mouth. Nothing about how this was happening was right, but her body still reacted to it... she couldn’t help it. The sounds Barba made as she took him in, the soft and guttural moans he tried to fight back... Sex had always been more mental than physical for her... the person she was with and how they responded to her.

“She’s wet, I could never get her wet.” Parker said as he slid his finger into her. Erika pulled away from him. It was the first time he had touched her like that, everything he had done to her before had been for his own benefit, not hers.

“No.” She pleaded as she sat up and pulled herself closer to Barba when she heard Parker unfasten his belt.

“What? It’s not like I haven’t.” He smirked.

“You said I could pick him.” Erika whispered.

“That’s not exactly what I said, but ok.” Parker smirked, fastening his belt back and gesturing for her to continue.

Barba shifted lower on the couch as Erika straddled him, sinking herself down, gasping softly as he filled her. Barba placed his hands on her hips once they adjusted themselves to a position she could easily move on him from. She kept her eyes trained on his shoulder, not daring to look at him, too afraid to see his reaction. He was still Barba... the ADA she would have to work with if they ever got out of this... the man she had thought about numerous times over the last few years... thought about doing this with on more than one occasion... just never like this.

Erika heard herself moan and pressed her forehead into Barba’s shoulder as her body betrayed her. “I’m sorry...” she panted, her rhythm stilling as she tightened around him. She had been so much in her own head that she was surprised to feel his hands grip her tighter and his hips thrust up, his breathing strained as he held her there. Then his body relaxed beneath her, and his arms came to rest loosely around her waist, both of them breathing heavily as her arms curled around his neck.

Parker reached into her hair and yanked her head back so she was forced to look at him. “I’ll give you tonight.” He huffed, letting her head fall back against Barba’s shoulder and left the two of them alone.

Erika was still sitting on Barba when he started to speak.

“Don’t.” She croaked, pulling herself from him without making eye contact and quickly made her way to the bathroom.

Barba closed his eyes, gently biting his lower lip as he exhaled when he heard the water start. He readjusted himself and made his way to the bathroom, knocking gently before entering the small space.

“Erika...”

“Please don’t say anything...” she sighed, slipping out of the dress and into the shower.

“Can I join you?”

“In the shower?”

Barba nodded.

“As long as you don’t say anything.”

He stripped and stepped into the shower with her, gently taking her arm causing her to look at him.

“That’s not how that was supposed to happen...” She said, her eyes filling with tears.

“No... it wasn’t...” He exhaled, pulling her against him and wrapping her in his arms.

They stayed like that for a while, neither wanting to be the first to let go, but eventually they did, finishing their shower and dressing again, just to crawl in bed. It wasn’t even dark yet, but they both wanted to be near the other. It was unspoken. Erika laid down first and Barba curled up behind her, pulling her into his arms.

“Barba?” Erika shifted so she faced him.

“Yes.” He hummed, pushing a stray piece of hair behind her ear, but not breaking eye contact.

“What would it have been like?”

“Our first time?” His eyes were soft and she nodded.

“Well... I would have taken you out... probably a few times before we got to that.”

“Really?” She smiled. “What’s a date with Rafael Barba like?”

“Pretty typical,” he smirked, “dinner... maybe the theater...”

“Do you dominate the conversation?” Erika grinned.

“I actually like to get to know the person... I ask a lot of questions.”

“You do like asking questions.” She chuckled.

“The conversation would have been similar to the ones we’ve had over the last month.” He smirked.

“How many dates until...” She trailed off but he knew what she meant.

“That would have depended on you, and how receptive you were to moving things that direction.”

Erika broke eye contact and swallowed back tears. “Are you ok?” It was the question she hadn’t wanted him to ask earlier, why she hadn’t wanted him to speak... and here she was bringing it up.

“I’m ok.” Barba said pulling her gaze back to his. “Are you?”

She tried to look away again, but he wouldn’t let her. “No...” She sighed. Barba’s arms loosened around her, suddenly not sure if she wanted him to hold her or not. “I’m ok with you and me... what happened,” she continued, “just not so much with how it happened.”

Barba nodded and tightened his hold on her.

“Can you show me?” She asked, her voice was so soft he had barely heard it.

“Show you?” Barba furrowed his brow.

Erika averted her eyes. “Never mind.”

“Show you what?” He coaxed.

“I just thought maybe... we could... it was stupid, forget I said anything.” Tears formed again and she buried her face in his chest.

“Are you sure?”

“If we weren’t here, would you be with me?” Her eyes met his again, she needed to see his face when he responded.

“Yes, I would be with you... there’s no doubt in my mind.”

“Then I’m sure,” Erika breathed, reaching her hand into his hair and tugging his lips to hers, “show me.”

He hesitated slightly at first, but then depend the kiss. Both of them needing to have something that was just theirs, something they had control over... that was their choice. What had happened earlier couldn’t be the only image of the other they had like that.

Erika tugged his shirt off, running her hands up his chest as he pulled her on top of him so he could remove her dress. These were the clothes they were expected to wear...Parker leaving Barba sweatpants and t-shirts, while Erika only had the dresses. He had been clear in the consequences of her wearing anything he hadn’t left specifically for her.

Barba rolled her beneath him, kissing and suckling his way to her chest, her hand gripping his hair when he tongued a nipple. He took his time, glancing up her to make sure she hadn’t changed her mind and slowly worked his way lower, his eyes meeting with hers as he hovered above her apex. Erika nodded and bit her bottom lip, needing him to make contact more than she had expected. The crush, the years she had spent wanting him took over everything else, and in this moment... it was just the two of them.

Her breath caught when his tongue pushed against her. He ran it along her slit and then swirled around her clit, repeating the pattern, focusing more on her clit with each pass. “Fuck.” She gasped, gripping his hair, unintentionally tugging his face towards her.

Barba’s eyes glanced up at her just in time to see her back arch off the bed and his arm wrapped around her hips when they started to buck away from him. He gently coaxed her back down, kissing up her torso until he reached her lips.

“Please Barba.” Erika panted, her hands pushing at his pants.

Barba kissed her again as he pushed his pants down and wiggled out of them. Her hand cupped his cheek when she felt him press at her entrance and she looked at him, this time wanting to see him. He took a breath and pushed into her softness, both of their eyes closing as he filled her. He let her moans guide him, both of them making eye contact again as he thrust, both of them needing to see the other. His lips pressed against hers when he felt her tighten and gave into his own release moments later, his body wrapping tightly around hers. Erika slipped her tongue to his, entangling their limbs. Somehow they became closer.

“Barba?” She panted, only their lips parting.

“Rafael.” He corrected, smiling when she did.

“I’ll work on that.” Erika chuckled, her chest vibrating lightly against his.

“Barba’s fine too.”

“Rafael... thank you.” She exhaled.

“We both needed it.” He said, kissing her again.

“Something that was ours.” She nodded.

They didn’t dress, they didn’t get out of bed... they stayed wrapped in each other’s embrace until sleep took over. The best sleep either of them had or would have while sleeping at the loft.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m pretty sure this is the worst chapter... I’m sorry. If it’s any consolation it’s also the last chapter like this and after this particular story is over I will go back to my much lighter, fluff and smut story lines. 
> 
> Archive warnings apply to this chapter.

Parker startled them both awake when he entered the loft.

“Shit.” Erika whispered, searching for her dress. Part of her was afraid he would be mad if she wasn’t wearing it, but mostly she wanted to be covered... as much as she could be.

“You can leave it off.” Parker said as he made his way closer to them.

Erika pulled the covers higher and inched closer to Barba who protectively wrapped his arm around her.

“Get dressed and get in the bathroom.” Parker ordered, waving the gun towards Barba.

Barba pulled Erika tighter to him. “What would it take for you to let her go? Money? We’ll leave town, start over somewhere else and never talk about this with anyone.” He knew asking was pointless, but he had no other options. It was either that or do nothing.

“I don’t need money.” Parker laughed. “Now get in the bathroom or I’ll shoot you, drag your dead body off the bed and then fuck her.”

Barba didn’t move and Parker raised the gun to his temple.

“Just do what he says.” Erika said, barely loud enough for him to hear, but he moved off the bed, taking his clothes with him as he reluctantly entered the bathroom.

Parker locked the bathroom door using the lock on the doorknob. Erika hadn’t even realized it was even there... she had looked for a lock when she was in the bathroom, hoping to at least feel safe when she showered, but didn’t think it would be on the wrong side of the door, only allowing for someone to be locked inside the bathroom, not keep someone out.

“Please don’t.” She begged, inching away from Parker as he crawled toward her.

“Oh, ok.” He chuckled as he pulled her beneath him.

Barba paced the tiny space, but he couldn’t escape the sound, her pleas seeping through the wall, the screams that turned to sobs. He sank to the floor feeling utterly powerless.

A lifetime passed before he heard the doorknob jiggle and Parker poked his head in. “She’s all yours, I’d be gentle though.”

Barba seethed, wanting nothing more than to slowly strangle the life out of Parker with his bare hands, watching the smug smile fall from his face as he struggled to breath.

“Easy there,” Parker smirked, flashing the gun, “besides if you did kill me, how long do you think the two of you would last up here without someone bringing you food?”

Barba stood and followed him out into the main room to find Erika curled in the fetal position on the bed with her back to them, staring blankly out the window.

“I’ll bring food by tomorrow. You should have enough groceries until then.” Parker said as he exited the loft.

“Erika...” Barba’s voice was barely above a whisper.

“They’re never going to find us are they?” Her voice cracked and Barba moved to sit on the edge of the bed. “He’s going to keep coming back until what? He forgets about us? He gets bored? Then what? We can identify him, he’s not going to just let us go.”

“They’ll find us...” He reached his hand out to comfort her and she recoiled away from it.

“Don’t...” Erika didn’t turn to look at him, she had barely moved except to avoid the contact. “I can’t...” Tears dropped to the bed, but she didn’t bother to wipe her eyes, she just continued to stare out the window.

Barba sat there for a moment not knowing what he should do. Eventually, he stood and went to the window to see who was around the precinct. He watched Liv and Fin exit in a hurry and hoped for a moment they were coming for them, but as the car pulled out on the street and turned the opposite direction his hope faded.

“It’s been a month and a half.” The desperation in Erika’s voice pulled his attention back to her.

“Yes, but Liv’s like a dog with a bone... she doesn’t give up even when she doesn’t know the...” he paused but didn’t say victim, he couldn’t bring himself to, “think of how hard she must be working considering she cares for both of us. How hard they all must be working.”

“I’m going to take a shower.”

Barba watched as she pulled herself from the bed and limped toward the bathroom.

“You’re bleeding...”

“I shouldn’t have fought... I knew better.” She sounded emotionless and defeated.

They had had a month to themselves, Parker only dropping off food. He had forgotten, or maybe just hadn’t wanted to remember, she had been there for two weeks before he had arrived.

 

When she emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a towel, she dug through the wardrobe. She didn’t want to put on another dress, she wanted to wear pants, she wanted to be covered... to be comfortable. “Screw it...” She muttered, pulling out a pair of pants and t-shirt left for Barba.

“Are you sure?” Barba asked not wanting her to upset Parker and end up getting hurt again.

“He said he wouldn’t be back until tomorrow. I’ll change before we go to bed.” She shrugged, slipping into the clothing that seemed to swallow her small frame.

“Are you hungry?”

“Not really...” Erika made her way to the window, standing close to Barba, “but you should eat.”

“So should you.”

“Make me a little of whatever you make yourself then.” She would take a few bites if it would get him to eat something.

Barba made two sandwiches and grabbed a bag of chips, bringing them both to the window to join her where she had sat.

“Erika...”

“Don’t ask me if I’m ok...”

“Ok.” He nodded, setting the food down and sitting himself, close, but not exactly next to her.

“I’m not ok...” She whispered, pulling her knees up under her arms as she rocked.

 

Over the next week Parker only made two stops by the loft. Each time he locked Barba in the bathroom and focused his attention on Erika. She hadn’t bothered to fight back, instead opted to silently cry into the mattress.

“Rafael...”

They were laying in bed and he was giving her as much space as possible while they both tried to get some sleep.

“Yes.”

“Can you hold me?” Her voice shook and he wanted to wrap her in his arms, to console her... he wanted to take her away from the hell they were stuck in.

“Of course.”

Erika turned and crawled closer to him, burying her face against his chest when she felt his arms pull her tighter and cried herself to sleep.

 

Parker stood at the foot of the bed, watching them while they slept. Erika had stirred first, smiling as her eyes adjusted and Barba was the first thing she saw, his breathing level and eyes still closed. She had fallen asleep in what had become a familiar position over the last week, her face pushed against his chest as he held her as tight as possible. There was something about the pressure that was calming... Throughout the night they had both shifted, Barba to his back and Erika so that half her body draped over him.

“Tell me,” Parker said, announcing his presence, “does he wake with morning wood when you’re on him like that?”

“No, he doesn’t.” Erika grumbled. Parker hadn’t been by in almost a week, not even to drop off food. Part of her had hoped he’d forgotten about them... even if it meant they’d starve to death.

“Are you sure? Why don’t you check.” Parker smiled.

Barba grunted slightly and shifted, but didn’t wake up.

“Check?”

“With your hand, feel to see if he’s hard.”

Erika rolled her eyes and place her hand on Barba. “He’s not... are you happy?” She huffed, removing her hand as his eyes fluttered open.

Barba moved to rub the sleep from his eyes with both hands, jerking awake when only one completed the journey. The left arm had been handcuffed to the bed frame, preventing him from moving much more than to sit upright.

“Why don’t you help him out then.” Parker said.

“Why?” Erika asked, furrowing her brow. She had a terrible feeling, and the sneer Parker wore didn’t help.

“I thought you preferred him to me.” Parker shrugged.

“I do...”

“Well then...” Parker gestured toward Barba, and Erika closed her eyes as she exhaled.

Barba pulled her to his lips, trying to remind her that he cared for her, that what happened between them was different than just Parker forcing them to do something, but he honestly didn’t know how they’d feel once this ordeal was over. He knew how he’d feel about her... this wouldn’t change that, but he wouldn’t blame her if she hated him.

Erika tugged at his pants and he lifted so she could easily slid them down. Her hand found him first, stroking softly before moving her mouth over him, slowly taking him in. Barba’s free hand rested on her head as she bobbed and again he fought the involuntary noises he made.

Parker ran his hand up her back and she felt the dress loosen as he tugged the zipper down. “Don’t stop.” Parker huffed when her body tensed. Erika resumed her task as Parker slipped the dress off her.

“How much do fucking like this guy...” Parker chuckled, moving his finger around inside her, “I mean you must really like him if just sucking his cock gets you this excited.”

Erika tried to shift away from Parker’s hand but he gripped her hips and held her still. When she realized he was lining himself up with her she panicked and tried to get away, crawling toward the opposite side of the bed.

“No.” She screamed as Parker grabbed her waist and yanked her back, pushing her head into the mattress to still her as he moved behind her again.

“You’ve got two options here. One is already primed and ready for use and the other, well... we both know how you feel about the other... If you relax, I’ll be gentle.”

Barba shifted uncomfortably when Parker lifted his hand from Erika’s head and she didn’t fight to get away from him.

“Good girl.” Parker smiled, lightly patting her hip before pushing into her.

Erika tuned everything out. She couldn’t think about what was happening... about Barba sitting three feet from her... She didn’t moan, she didn’t scream, she didn’t react at all... she remained limp, vacantly staring at the door until he finished.

Parker was still leaning against her, panting, when they heard his phone chime. If he had his phone on him... and she could get the gun... Parker pushed off her, pulling the phone from his pocket. He made a face and quickly grabbed the gun, aiming it at Erika.

“Uncuff him.” Parker grumbled, tossing Erika the key.

She quickly freed Barba and waited for what Parker would do next.

“Your turn.” He smirked.

“You can’t be serious?” Barba huffed.

“I am.” Parker snapped.

Erika looked at Barba, closing her eyes as she took a deep breath. “It’s ok.” She nodded, opening her eyes again, making contact with his.

“I’m not exactly ready...” Barba sighed.

“Jesus...” Parker muttered in annoyance, “I have to run down stairs for a second. You two better be doing what I’ve asked by the time I get back.”

“I’m sorry.” Barba exhaled when the door shut.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Erika smiled softly, pressing her hand to his cheek.

“But...”

Erika took a deep breath. “Don’t think about it... ok?” She said looking at him. Barba nodded and she pressed her lips to his, pulling him on top of her as she laid back on the bed. Erika tugged his shirt off as Barba shimmied out of his pants, one arm wrapping around her as the other moved so he could cup her face. Their bodies flush as his thumb stroked her cheek. “This is ours.” She stated, maintaining eye contact as her fingers laced into his hair.

Barba kissed her and shifted between her legs, exhaling as he eased into her, neither of them lessening the hold they had on the other. Erika pushed everything from that morning aside and let her desire for him take over her emotions. The last time they had been together was the night they had both chosen to be with the other. That was how she intended to keep it.

When she began lifting her hips to meet his thrust, Barba slowed his pace, rushing things wouldn’t do either of them any good.

“Rafael.”

“Yes.” He grunted.

“He has his phone on him.”

Barba looked at her, not really processing what she had said.

“If we can get the gun from him, we can call for help.” Erika added.

“If he doesn’t have the place equipped with a signal blocker.” He stated.

“He just got some kind of notification.”

“And if we can’t get in the phone, if there’s a password...”

“You don’t need a password to make an emergency call.” She panted, her chest arching into him.

“Erika, you can’t do that...” He groaned, trying to ignore her bodies reaction to him, her hips bucking against him.

“I can’t help it.” She gasped, gripping his hair and tugging his head against her neck and shoulder, her hips stilling, her muscles contracting.

“Fuck...” Barba breathed while straining to hold on, a battle he was losing. He kissed her as his body collapsed against hers, both of them breathing heavily. Barba lifted himself off her and pulled her into his arms, continuing to to kiss her.

“Rafael, what do we do when he comes back?” Erika panted between kisses.

“I don’t know.” He pulled back to look at her.

Erika curled herself against him, leaning her head on his chest. Barba pulled the covers over them. He didn’t know what would happen when Parker returned, only that he was going to hold her as long as he could.

 

“Do you hear voices?” Erika asked, sitting up.

“I didn’t hear anything.”

“Shhh...” Erika hushed him, pulling the covers tighter when they both heard what sounded like someone trying to open the door. “You don’t think he went to get his friends...” Her voice shook and she tightened the grip she had on his thigh.

“Parker wouldn’t fiddle with the door, he wouldn’t have to.” Barba said, sitting up beside her and pulling her closer.

There was a beeping, like a code being entered, except it was faster and continuous. Neither of them moved, both too jolted by what was happening to do anything. The beeping stopped and the door swung open.

“NYPD.” Liv announced as she entered the loft, followed by Rollins and Carisi, who were flanked by patrol officers.

“Jesus...” Erika whispered, pulling the covers higher trying to cover the fact that they didn’t have anything on.

No one spoke for a moment. Rollins was the first to break the silence. “Is there anyone else here?”

“No, it just us. Parker left maybe thirty minutes ago.” Erika said softly, not making eye contact with anyone.

Barba pulled his clothes from the edge of the bed and slipped his shirt on. Liv’s eyes widening slightly when he slid the pants under the covers, clearly sliding those on as well.

“We’ve had the building surrounded for over an hour, I’ll have Nick and Fin start a sweep of the building.” Liv said before making the call.

Barba handed Erika the dress she had been wearing, but she shook her head. There was no way she was putting one of those dresses back on. He nodded and moved to the wardrobe, grabbing pants and a shirt for her. They would be too big but she didn’t care, they would cover her. She slid the shirt on first, letting the comforter slide down once the shirt was in place, and copied Barba’s tactic for slipping the pants on.

“Do you need to go to the hospital for a rape kit?” Carisi asked, glancing between Erika and Barba.

“I do.” Erika nodded, moving closer to Barba when she stood.

“What the hell happened here?” Rollins muttered under her breath when Barba put his arm around Erika.

“Rollins you and Carisi take Erika to the hospital.” Liv ordered, pausing and turning back to Barba. “Do you need to go to the hospital too?”

“No, I’m not physically hurt in anyway.”

“You don’t need...” She couldn’t even bring herself to say rape kit, something that had never happened before.

“You’ll need my DNA, the rest is complicated but I wasn’t... if anything I...”

Erika cut him off. “No, you didn’t... please don’t call it that.” Tears formed in her eyes and Barba nodded, pulling her closer.

“As long as you don’t think of it that way I wont, ok?” Barba kissed the top of her head and Erika nodded. “If you change your mind...”

“I won’t.” She insisted.

“Ok.” He nodded.

“Barba you can ride back to the precinct with me and I’ll take your statement.” Liv said.

“But...” Erika stammered gripping him tighter when he started to pull away from her. They had spent almost two months together. Every moment of everyday. It was the only reason she had been able to keep going. He would tell her everyday that they would find them... every time Parker would leave the loft all her hope would be shattered and then Barba would remind her that Liv wouldn’t give up. That Parker would make a mistake. That they would get through this. She needed him.

“I’m just going to the precinct. I won’t leave before you get there.” He assured her and she nodded almost childlike, but let him go.

“You ready Erika?” Rollins asked.

She nodded again, following Rollins behind Liv and Barba out of the loft, Carisi right behind her.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Carisi waited outside, but Rollins stayed with her as the nurse completed the rape kit and documented the bruising left on Erika’s body.

“Can x-rays tell if your rib was fractured or broken?” Erika asked.

“You mean after it’s healed?” The nurse replied.

“Mostly healed... it still hurts a bit.”

“Sometimes. I’ll get an x-ray scheduled.” The nurse said on her way out.

“What happened?” Rollins asked as Carisi reentered the room.

“Parker kicked me in the chest repeatedly after I tried to signal for help.”

“I meant...”

“Oh... yeah, my statement.” Erika sighed.

“I’m sorry.” Rollins said, pushing her bottom lip up, flattening her lips into a line.

“It’s ok... That Friday you dropped me off at my building, Parker was already inside. I fixed something to eat and when I went to the restroom I guess he drugged it. I woke up the next morning in the loft.”

“You guess he drugged it?” Carisi questioned.

“He told me he drugged me, I assume he did it while I was in the restroom.”

“And then what happened?” Rollins asked.

“He brought me food and told me he’d be back at seven.” Erika’s stared blankly at a spot on the wall. A little place the paint had been pulled off by some adhesive she assumed held a sign up at some point.

“And at seven, when he came back?”

“He took off his mask and assaulted me.”

“He was wearing a mask?” Carisi asked.

“Like the ones the other girls described.” She nodded.

“After he assaulted you?” Rollins pushed.

“He left.” Tears streamed down her cheeks, but her facial expression remained vacant. “The next day he came back and did it again, but I tried to fight harder that time. He gripped my arms so tight I had marks for a week. When I still fought he slammed my head into the headboard hard enough for things to go fuzzy and did want he wanted anyway. The next time I fought he...” Erika’s voice cracked and she seemed to acknowledge the two detectives in the room before casting her eyes down, “He reminded me that if I cooperated he would be gentle, so I stopped fighting.”

“How often did he come by the loft?” Rollins asked making a note to push for more details later.

“Everyday.” Erika exhaled.

“How did Barba arrive?” Carisi questioned.

Erika swallowed and continued. “I could see you guys from the window. I watched you come and go everyday. I thought maybe if I could signal in some way you might see it. I found ketchup in the cabinet and wrote help on the window as large as I could, but Parker saw it. He was so angry... He threw out all the food and then beat the crap out of me. That’s when he kicked me in the chest over and over again. Then he dragged me to the bed and assaulted me. He... it...” She fiddled with a frayed edge of the hospital blanket, unable to find the words to describe what he had done. “He shoved me to the floor and left. He brought Raf... Barba a couple days later... he was my present.”

“Your present?” Carisi asked.

“To make up for having to punish me.”

“Why Barba?”

“He heard Rollins and me talking about the crush I had on him...”

“You like...”

“Carisi.” Rollins snapped and he stopped the question he was about to ask. Erika ignored the exchange and continued with her statement.

 

Barba and Liv sat in her office, neither of them saying anything as she gathered a few notes on the case.

“Nick said they found Parker hiding on the roof.” Liv said after glancing at her phone. “They’re bringing him in.”

“I don’t want to see him.” Barba whispered, his voice shaky.

Liv looked at him, she had expected him to seem angry, heated... to seem like Barba. “What happened?”

“I was on my way into the courthouse when I felt a gun press against my back. He told me to get in a car and put a cloth bag over my head, then he cuffed my hands behind my back and started to drive. I just did what he said...”

“And he took you to Erika?”

“He did. She was so broken...” Barba’s voice cracked, “she could barely move. There were so many bruises... on her thighs and arms, her face... There was dried blood on her inner thigh. She asked if I could helped her shower... the side of her chest was dark blue and purple. I didn’t ask what happened, but she said he had punished her for trying to signal for help. I was her present to make up for it.” He huffed.

“Her present?”

“Parker heard Rollins teasing Erika about liking me.”

Liv gave him a curious look, but decided she could approach that later. “Then what happened?”

“For a month he left us alone so she could heal, only coming by the loft to drop off food.”

“And after a month?” Liv pushed.

“He told her he didn’t bring me there for her to talk to and to cuff me to the bed. If we weren’t going to have sex then he needed me restrained so he could. That it was me or him...” Tears formed in Barba’s eyes and he made eye contact with Liv, “I didn’t want to watch him rape her... I...”

“You told her she could chose you.” Liv finished for him.

He nodded. “If she wanted to.”

“And did you?”

Barba nodded again. “When we finished, Parker pulled her head back by her hair and said he’d give her tonight and then left. She couldn’t even look at me... she just got up and went to take a shower. I followed her and asked if I could join her. She said I could as long as I didn’t say anything. I just wanted to comfort her... She let me hold her and we talked after we got out of the shower. Then we had sex again...”

“You did what?” Liv stammered, her eyes widening.

“I know... but he was coming back and we had already talked about our feelings for the other and we had been talking about what our first time would have been like... she asked me to show her. I didn’t want what Parker made us do to be the only memory we had of each other... it felt right. I don’t know if it was, I don’t want to over analyze it... I just need to know she feels the same way I do about it.”

“Ok.” Liv nodded.

“The next morning he woke us up when he barged in the loft. He locked me in the restroom and... I could hear her screams Liv, her pleading with him...” he had tears in his eyes again, “I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t do anything but listen. When he let me out, she didn’t want to be touched or consoled.” He looked up at Liv again. “He made her bleed and when I mentioned it all she just said was she knew better than to fight. I hadn’t wanted to think about what he’d done before I got there. I had ignored it... not once asking her about it.”

“She may have preferred that you didn’t.” Liv suggested.

“Parker seemed to come by less, but when he did... he would lock me in the restroom and... I could only hear him after that first time and after today I know it’s because she shutdown. She didn’t fight, her whole body went limp and it was almost as if she mentally went somewhere else.”

“What happened today?”

Barba took a breath. “Parker was already there when we woke up. He had cuffed me to the bed. He told Erika to... to go down on me. Then he moved behind her and she panicked. She pulled away from us, fighting against him while trying to crawl off the bed. Parker pulled her back by her hips and held her head against the mattress. He told her if she relaxed, he’d be gentle. Then he lifted his hand from her head and she didn’t move, she didn’t make a sound... she just stared at the door while he...” Barba wiped his eyes with his fingers, “I couldn’t help her... I couldn’t make him stop. All I could do was avert my eyes. When he was through he told me it was my turn. I tried to argue, but he had a gun... I said I was sorry when he left...”

“When did he leave?”

“Right after he told us to have sex. He said he needed to run downstairs for a second, but that he’d be back. You showed up instead.”

“We will need your DNA then.” Liv mused out loud.

“You will.” He sighed.

“Ok...” Liv said, tapping her lip with her index finger. “That’s quite a lot to go through.”

Barba nodded.

“Are you ok?”

“I want to talk to Erika.”

“If she’s ok with that when she gets here, I’m ok with it... as long as Rollins and Carisi already have her statement.”

“Ok.” Barba nodded.

 

Erika followed Rollins and Carisi into the bullpen, Nick and Fin giving her sympathetic smiles as she passed them.

“Where’s Rafael?” She asked when Liv exited her office.

“He’s in my office. Have Rollins and Carisi taken your statement?” Liv asked.

“We have.” Rollins answered.

“Can I see him?” Erika asked.

Liv nodded and Erika walked quickly to her office, not even knocking as she entered.

“Erika?” Barba startled when the door opened.

She didn’t say anything, instead she curled up next to him on the small couch he had moved to after talking with Liv and let him hold her.

“Are we ok?” He asked.

“We were always ok.” She replied, somehow inching closer.

“They brought Parker in.”

“Do you think they’ll let us leave? I’d really like to shower.” Just the mention of his name made her skin crawl.

“We can ask. I honestly think they’ve got what they need for now and they know where we both live if they need to get a hold of us for more questions.”

“Rafael... He took me from my home. I fell asleep and woke up in the loft.” Erika whispered.

“Do you not want to go home?”

“I’m afraid to go home... I’m afraid to try to sleep without you.” Her eyes met his and he ran his fingers through her hair.

“I will sleep wherever you want me to.”

Erika hesitated slightly. She didn’t know if he was just being nice or felt the same way as her... everything between them that had seemed so real in the loft now felt complicated and uncertain... it wasn’t suppose to be this confusing. “Rafael...” she sighed.

“I’m not going anywhere. Whether you sleep in my bed, I sleep in yours, or we sleep alone in our own beds. Where this goes at this point is completely up to you.” Barba said, his hand coming to rest on her cheek, his thumb grazing it softly.

“It’s not completely up to me...”

“Erika, I’m in this.”

She sat quietly as her mind focused on the question she was stuck on... Why? After everything he heard and seen... why would he still want her? She could understand if they had actually been in a relationship before... if there was something established worth fighting for. As it stood though, he had just liked her enough to think about asking her out... unless his feeling had been as strong as hers...

Erika closed her eyes and took a breath. If the roles had been reversed she’d still want him and she’d do anything if it helped ease him back to who he was before. Maybe they could get through this together... make it out on the other side intact.

“Can we grab a few things from my place and sleep at yours?” She asked.

“We can.” He nodded, his lips pulling up into a awkward smile before relaxing again.

Barba stood first, extending his hand to her. Erika took it and followed him out to the bullpen.

“Do you need anything else from us?” Barba asked.

“Not at the moment, but we may need you to answer some follow up questions over the next few days.” Liv stated.

“That’s fine. I’ll be back at work tomorrow. I’m sure there’s a ton of paperwork to catch up on.” Erika said, ignoring the looks the others had given her.

“Oh... uh...” Liv stammered.

“I do still have a job...”

“Yes. You just may need sometime off.” Liv said.

“I can’t sit at home. All I’ve done for the last two months is sit in an apartment. I need to think about something besides what happened. I need to compile data and manipulate numbers... for things to feel normal again...”

“You wont be able to touch your case.”

“I didn’t expect to.”

“And I want you to talk to someone.” Liv added.

“I have no problem with that.” Erika replied.

“We’ll see you tomorrow then.” Liv sighed.

Erika nodded and gripped Barba’s hand tighter.

“We’ll be at my place if you need either of us.” Barba said mostly to Liv, but it wasn’t so quiet the others couldn’t hear either.

“Is that a good idea?” Liv questioned, furrowing her brow.

“I really don’t care if it is or isn’t.” Barba replied.

 

“This is your place?” Erika smiled, following him into a one bedroom apartment that really wasn’t much larger than hers.

“It is. What’d you expect?” He smirked.

“Part of me was afraid it would resemble the loft.”

“I would have insisted we sleep at your place if that was the case.” He smiled, guiding her to his bedroom to drop off the bag he had helped her pack.

His apartment was warm and inviting, lots of browns and natural tones, all lit with lamps instead of harsh overhead lighting. There was a desk set up in what she assumed was intended to be a dining room, but it fit seamlessly with the rest of his living room. It was covered in files neatly stacked with only a small area in the middle available to work on.

“Your sheets are green.”

“I like green... something wrong with green?”

“No.” She smiled. “It’s just not how I pictured it.”

“You’ve been picturing my bedroom?” Barba teased.

Erika felt her face flush.

“What color did you picture my sheets?”

“A steel blue.”

Barba smiled and tugged open a drawer in his dresser showing her a set of sheets matching the color she had described.

“The olive green is nice too.” Erika smiled.

“Do you want to order in or go out for dinner?” Barba asked while helping her hang the clothing she had brought in his closet.

“Out.” She responded quickly.

“I owe you a date anyway.” He smirked.

“Raf?”

“Too soon?” He asked, pausing to look at her.

“No... I just... you don’t have to... I mean I don’t want you to if you feel like you have to.” Erika sighed, pulling her hair dryer out of the bag and setting it on his bed.

Barba pulled her close to him, running a hand through her hair that was still damp from the shower she had taken at her place. “I don’t expect this to be easy... for either of us, but especially for you. What I can promise you is that I wouldn’t do any of this out of obligation... Knowing how you feel... it would be cruel if I didn’t feel the same way.”

Erika closed her eyes and swallowed back tears. “Even after everything you heard and saw?”

“Yes.”

“But...”

“No buts.” He interrupted, not letting her argue against his feelings for her. “I wanted you before and what he did doesn’t change that. It had nothing to do with you... who you are.”

“I don’t even know who that is right now...” Erika sighed.

“We can work on finding ourselves again, together. The woman I’ve met over the last month and a half is incredibly strong. She can make it to the other side of this.”

“She may seem strong, but it’s the weakest I’ve ever known.” Erika sighed wrapping her arms around his waist.

Barba squeezed her tight against him, resting his cheek on her head. “And yet it’s still so incredibly strong...”

Erika pushed up to kiss him, hoping for some normalcy. She didn’t know how long that would actually take. She knew they had a long road ahead of them, both of them would have their own struggles to face, but she was certain, after everything, she didn’t want to face them without him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok... and now back to my normal, less tortured storylines.


End file.
